Monday, December 5, 2011
Sometimes it feels like a stick is squeezed between my collarbones, firm but gently, and a dull ache spreads all over my upper chest and throat. It can happen at any time and place, often when I am alone, though it occurs around other people as well. It feels like I am crackling from the inside, my breathing gets weaker, all of my muscles stiffens,and my stomach turns. All I want to do is to crawl under my bed cover and pretend that a new day has arrived.
Sometimes is now, thank god, just sometimes but
Sometimes I miss us, and what we could have become if grew along, not apart.
Sometimes is now, thank god, just sometimes but
Sometimes I miss us, and what we could have become if grew along, not apart.
I can't get a hang on this. I've been typing and erasing and can't decide how to write so I don't know how it will turn out. My story is pretty much confusing, especially to myself. You see, everything we've been through, it's so baffling, intertwined and complexly stretched out that I can't even put into words. You know what they say about realising all your doings only when you lose it?
I don't know when I realised it and it must have been a short while after it ended. But as time went on, all our different aspects were becoming apparent to each other, for my part at least. I fell deeply in love, I fell too hard it hurts.
So for a month or two it’s been this mesh of an unfinished business, an unspoken of and awkward communication and many, many stupid mistakes. We used to see a lot of each other so it was painful. There was no way I could move on, especially me being so overwhelmed with his presence. Sometimes one of us made a move. We ignored each other, I don’t know why. We would then get mad with each other and that made everything worse. Sometimes I feel so sad that two people can be so complimentary and yet clash so much at the same time.I have finally accepted the fact that the right occasion won’t ever come up. Not now anyway, I don’t ever see him. Which is good. At least I can have a good shot at moving on. My final and concluding thought is that I really wish that it wasn’t for him the way it was for me. Because in that case it must have been bloody painful and I really don’t want him to have gone through all that.
I don't know when I realised it and it must have been a short while after it ended. But as time went on, all our different aspects were becoming apparent to each other, for my part at least. I fell deeply in love, I fell too hard it hurts.
So for a month or two it’s been this mesh of an unfinished business, an unspoken of and awkward communication and many, many stupid mistakes. We used to see a lot of each other so it was painful. There was no way I could move on, especially me being so overwhelmed with his presence. Sometimes one of us made a move. We ignored each other, I don’t know why. We would then get mad with each other and that made everything worse. Sometimes I feel so sad that two people can be so complimentary and yet clash so much at the same time.I have finally accepted the fact that the right occasion won’t ever come up. Not now anyway, I don’t ever see him. Which is good. At least I can have a good shot at moving on. My final and concluding thought is that I really wish that it wasn’t for him the way it was for me. Because in that case it must have been bloody painful and I really don’t want him to have gone through all that.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
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