I don't think it's something big to ask for. Just a "you do your thing and I do my thing. You are you and I am me, and if, in the end we end up together, it's beautiful" kind if relationship.

BE CONTENTED

Sometimes it feels like a stick is squeezed between my collarbones, firm but gently, and a dull ache spreads all over my upper chest and throat. It can happen at any time and place, often when I am alone, though it occurs around other people as well. It feels like I am crackling from the inside, my breathing gets weaker, all of my muscles stiffens,and my stomach turns. All I want to do is to crawl under my bed cover and pretend that a new day has arrived.

Sometimes is now, thank god, just sometimes but
Sometimes I miss us, and what we could have become if grew along, not apart.

I can't get a hang on this. I've been typing and erasing and can't decide how to write so I don't know how it will turn out. My story is pretty much confusing, especially to myself. You see, everything we've been through, it's so baffling, intertwined and complexly stretched out that I can't even put into words. You know what they say about realising all your doings only when you lose it?

I don't know when I realised it and it must have been a short while after it ended. But as time went on, all our different aspects were becoming apparent to each other, for my part at least. I fell deeply in love, I fell too hard it hurts.

So for a month or two it’s been this mesh of an unfinished business, an unspoken of and awkward communication and many, many stupid mistakes. We used to see a lot of each other so it was painful. There was no way I could move on, especially me being so overwhelmed with his presence. Sometimes one of us made a move. We ignored each other, I don’t know why. We would then get mad with each other and that made everything worse. Sometimes I feel so sad that two people can be so complimentary and yet clash so much at the same time.I have finally accepted the fact that the right occasion won’t ever come up. Not now anyway, I don’t ever see him. Which is good. At least I can have a good shot at moving on. My final and concluding thought is that I really wish that it wasn’t for him the way it was for me. Because in that case it must have been bloody painful and I really don’t want him to have gone through all that.

If you love me, say it. If you trust me, do it. If you want me, show it. If you need me, prove it. It's always fine to look back on the past, never okay to stay in it.

Being single sucks when you know exactly who you want.

Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek (With Lyrics)

My dearest butthead,
I don't remember the exact moment when I went from liking you, to loving you. I don't think it was while we were still dating. I think that miles apart between each other for the past few months has advanced our relationship more than we ever expected, and the fact that it comes with the effort of us pushing for it, is inspiring.
(I admit, I pushed secretly, I kept pushing for it).
But I do remember when I went from loving you, to that ridiculous, head over heels, heart physically aches, what so many artists sing about, writers scribble about, kinda love. The kinda love that makes me cry and wanna just stay back and watch The Notebook or listening to Bella's Lullaby over and over and over. I remember.

I don't know, but somehow I had this instinct when you played me this song. I wasn't the first , and I know the song meant something so much more, not between us. I know that for the fact and I'd came to the realization, who am I to say, who am I to judge you from your past. For me, it's easy. I'm not afraid to lead with my heart, I'm not afraid to show my emotions, to be honest, to be vulnerable. You deserve that, you don't deserve to be judged again and again based on your past. 10months of beautiful, that's how I look at it. 10months of something really fucking spectacular. Hell, we weren't perfect. There were dark days and days that I thought the sun couldn't compare to us. But we were this funky twist of fate that turned into a bond that couldn't be denied. I want you to know, if we ever lose this bond or we lose that last glint of light from that spark, I'll always search for you in any other person. But right now, I'm just thinking. I had a crush on your mindset, fell for your personality and your looks are like some extra bonus yeah? I love you Harvin, just like how they do it in VD =)

Within every wrong person you encounter throughout your life, actually brings you that much closer to the right one. My heart tells me, you are the right one. Yes, our world doesn't stop spinning just because of a significant other. But my heart stops beating every single time you hurt me.

The unreal is more powerful than the real. Sometimes the reality hurts so much, I start to be a loner and live in my own fantasy world free of dramas which is by sleeping. Nothing is as perfect as we all can imagine it. Because it's only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs & fantasies that last in the unreal world. Stone crumbles, diamonds rot & people? Well, they die & eventually leave. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, they can go on & on, no limits.

OTHERS ARE GREAT BUT YOU CAN BE GREATER

I used to look up to all these famous independent women who have done something in their life that has affected others in the most beautiful way. & then I remember that these women aren't born great. They started off small & kept pushing forward in life to become who they are now. Then I look at myself, if they can do it why can't I? I'm sure they faced hardships too & that pushed 'em even harder.
I got people commenting about me when I was at dinner saying how great my skin is tho I'm without make up on, how tiny my waistline is tho I don't work out much, bla bla bla. I was really flattered, people never get tired of receiving compliments, obviously. But what I'm trying to say is, yeah some people see me as an influence but I know they can definitely be GREATER. I haven't achieve anything in life so I shouldn't be looked up upon. My skin & my waistline don't pay my bills. I believe everybody can be greater, do something, be someone. The harder your hardships, the bigger your calling is in life. Don't just settle for being great, BE GREATER =]

I was studying & thinking of you got me stopped half way just writing down my thoughts (I don't get that everyday, you know *teasing* =p)
Even though you're not 24hours or 7days in a week by my side, I'd still be proud to have you with the littlest things that you do.
I love how I wake up in the middle of the night & you're close to me & when I move a bit, you still subconsciously move closer to hug me again even though you're dead asleep. I love it when sometimes you pat me on the head when I say things that doesn't make sense. I love how you stop being grumpy when I start hugging you. I love how you make me feel like a princess during special occasions & not pamper me too much all the time. I love it how you're the funniest, with the jellybean emotions you do just to make me laugh. I love it when you let me put make-up & remove blackheads from your face, you'll kiss me after that. I love how you leave random text messages to me tho you're either out with your mates or having a long day at work. I love it when you understand reasons I love to dress up most of the time & tell me how pretty I look. I appreciate how you're still with me after knowing how much of a bimbo & egghead myself can be. I appreciate it when some weekends you wanna bring me out tho your plans was just to stay home & lay on the couch all day long.

Now see baby boy, when we pray, God always answers us. It's either a yes, no, or WAIT. He knows exactly when you'll need something & what you're wishing for. All I know is that He'll definitely never take something away from you without replacing it with something better. I understand you're a man with the highest ambition & biggest mind, just don't ever give up what you're doing because I'm sure God will one day answer our prayers. Your life gets better & better, yes =) *hug*

I love you, I really do. It'll be a forever kind of thing, unless we actually try to stay committed, falling hard for each other everyday until we both grow reaching the peak of both our career. We can always choose to keep our hopes up, yet our problems down low, yet in every relationship, there's always an up & down kind of thing. I'll be here. If we're committed & makes forever, you'll definitely be the 2nd person to be an impact to my life after my family. I love you my mate =)

When someone puts an effort into the conversation, I feel special, worth it & appreciated. Because it actually makes me feel that I'm wanted & worth talking to.

The type of guy that pulls you closer when you try to walk away, the guy that comforts you when you cry, the guy that never tells you to leave no matter how mad & angry he is, the type of guy who lifts up your chin & kisses gently. That guy is *drools*

She'll sneak glimpses of you so she won't get caught staring but you'll notice it anyway. She'll wait for you to start the conversation & as soon as you start one, she won't ever wanna stop talking to you. She'll hit, nibble, punch & bite you playfully. She'll be mean to you specially, because she wants you to know that you'll chase if she leaves. I'm the she & youknowwhoyouare ;)

I'm definitely not the best person to turn to when you have problems. Sometimes, I won't know the right words to say or how to make you feel better. But I'll always be here whether you like it or not. I won't leave just because it's hard. I'll sit still, listen & offer you a shoulder to cry on because honestly, that's the only thing I'm capable of doing. This is the promise I know I won't break.

I totally can't stand being around someone who is boring all the time, especially when I'm that type of person who likes to play & mess around, not all the time but rather fun. Typical conversations between two people really just bore to death sometimes. I find myself more clingy with people who knows how to spark up a conversation & keep me entertained *likeaboss*, but at the same time they know when to stop & be serious when needed. I'm just blessed to have wonderful friends around me, not much but a few who genuinely cares? I'm blessed.

I sense a bad birthday in exactly 14days time ='(

Best to describe what I'm feeling right now. I'm feeling gross, sick, fat, ugly, depressed, afraid, annoyed, forgotten, abandoned, discouraged, rejected, unwanted, misunderstood, judged, labeled worthless, insecure & misled.

It's getting harder & harder to keep my plastic smile everyday =(

Love isn't perfect, we have our bad days, drive each other crazy & have disagreements sometimes. But when a relationship between two people goes bad, then sometimes love really isn't enough.

Sometimes it hits myself that the person that I adore much might not feel the same for myself, hurts me in any way but sometimes I'm just completely blessed that I have that significant other who is entirely wise enough to think about the future, to be able to work on his two feet but still, loves me as much.

Letting go of someone you love of course, it's really painful. But it takes yourself to do what's best for you & them. Love can be as easy as holding hand & kissing someone good night but it can also be as hard as walking away knowing that part of your heart beats for them.

I want to tell you how I feel. I want to share with you everything. I want you to know so I can let this burden off my chest. Now I'm starting to get scared. Scared of what you'll think. Scared of being pain. Scared of rejection.

I'm reminded that sometimes no matter how much you love someone, it doesn't make up for how much they hurt you, or love you in return. & sometimes no matter how much they love you, they're gonna fuck up & make mistakes. Sometimes people just don't make the right decisions, even parents.

I feel empty, confused, hurt, numb, disoriented, mad, blurry & tired. It's so awful to be strong. I just wanna know if you miss me.

Stucked up with tears again & I realize,although things have turned around in our relationship for the past couple of weeks, I don't ever want us to forget all the things we went through before the change. The constant craving for each other's touch, the tears shed because we felt like we couldn't take it anymore, the pain it brought us when we had to part ways. I realize now, I'm the one who is supposed to be carrying the guilt on my shoulders because the distance was never your fault, it was always mine. You didn't deserve to be in a stressful relationship. It wasn't fair to you. I could tell that you are unhappy to be holding onto this relationship and every words you say proving how much you are pushing me away from yourself always just break my heart a little. I'm willing to let you go because your unhappiness is from the complications I brought to this relationship, I wasn't prepared to let you go. So if I had to let you go in order for you to be happy, then I'll be willing to do that. But one thing, I don't want us to forget the everyday struggle that we went through for this relationship.

I'm willing to let you go but I'm still counting on the days since we were together. Because I'll always be here, you can put your trust in me. When you need someone, just drop me a message & I'll be here. When you're feeling low, just let me know because I'll always be here. God isn't unfair. God made things happen for a reason, yes.

Currently listening to Aerosmith - I don't wanna miss a thing.
Fuck you Aerosmith for making me cry.

Big insane dreams keep me sane. Sleepless nights? I'm going nuts.

I wished you miss me as much as I miss you.

My mind is saying "You fool, forget him".
My heart is saying "Don't let go"

I'm so sorry for all the stress, headache and troubles I put you through.

I'm a sucker for love, big time. I let him own my body, my whole self. I let him became the reason why even the saddest part of my life I still manage to spare 2minutes to smile. Even at confusion, I sometimes take the effort to understand. Even in betrayal, I trust again. Even in fear of pain, I still love.

Happy 7th Monthsary, biggest pain in the ass.

I tried to be perfect but nothing was worth it.

I thought this was what you wanted, someone who sees your flaws as perfection. I thought this was what you wanted, someone to put your first in their life.

It's funny how people think and can't make up their mind sometimes.

Here I am, at the corner of my room with hands awkwardly typing on the keyboard as the paint on my nails are still fresh. I'm thinking, I'm thinking hard.

I'd been hanging with my girls lately and alot of em asked me how to handle insecurities when it comes to relatioships.

Honestly, I'm not the most secure person ever when it comes to myself. Especially when I look at my ex-boyfriend/boyfriend & I'm always thinking to myself, how do I get so blessed with such perfection? When you think of a person you love, you can never help but to feel a bit, small. Small in the sense well, what is there's somebody better out there for him, and all the other "what if's".

Well then I think, I can still remember clearly he was right beside me. Right beside me, the love and the care he provided me, that moment? It was definitely meant to be & I would never want him to spend this moment with anyone else but me.

The thing is, never ever doubt what God had written for you in the stars. Appreciate what has been gifted for you. Time is better spent laying down on his chest than screaming towards each other. We, girls as half of the relationship have to trust. Trust your another half. Trust your significant other won't do anythin for break your trust. Because what I've learned, is that God or Karma will never let you down. If something were to happen that was going against your trust in your significant other, you will find out. There is no doubt about it. Life isn’t unfair. If he were to become a dick and cheat on you, you'll eventually find out & break free. If he's faithful, you'll be the happiest girl in the entire universe.

Cheers to healthier relationships around me.

It may come around to people that I don't talk about him as much anymore and that maybe we've just grown on each other for the past 7months that I'm so used to his presence up to the point that I don't need to prove myself anymore. I might be too comfortable to have him around and when he's away I tend to choose not to speak of him like I used to, so I'm able to push the thought of him in my mind away.

I had people talk about me in very hurtful ways, I had problems when it comes to being in public, I had problems in deciding which college, I've had friends become jerks, I've had troubles with my studies because I suck at handling pressure, I had been given a label. Despite all the bad bad things, he was there for me, for the past 6months. And he's no longer gonna be there for me now, but that 6months were like the shortest 6months in my life. It passed so fast, but I had the most amazing days within those months and I pray everyday things would fall back in place again.

Who am i to say lyrics Ya boy ft Hope

You can't keep fucking with someone's feelings just because you're unsure of your own. I can be so fucking stupid sometimes. I need to stop trickin myself into thinkin people care, thinkin that because I'm there for someone then they would be there for me. I don't wanna live with walls up around me but I think I live it best that way.

Now that you don't need me anymore, you throw me away.

Every finish line is a beginning of a new race, but I can't seem to see the finish line. I'm tired of keep running, running & running. God please take me away from this life.

I wish things could be simpler, like a retro pop song. I want you to want me. BOOM end of story, we all live happily ever after.

Be Without You Lyrics Mary J Blige

One day you’re gonna want her. That girl that knew she wasn’t perfect, but tried to be for you. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she could. The girl who sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths. That girl who still can’t bring herself to hate you, even though sometimes you probably deserve it. The girl that should have you, but doesn't.

You were never supposed to mean this much to me. I was never supposed to fall this hard. But you know what? I did and that's the truth, that's what keeps me holding on because it hurts like hell to let you go.

I've to thank the wrongs, that led me to a life so strong.

Pinky promise that we'll make up for the lost time that we didn't spend together?

Let me just try to break the wall down between us. I'm not good at opening up & I'm too good in being honest. I tend to be very weak in front of you because that's who I really am. I don't wanna play hard to get, I'm already yours. I sometimes get angry over dumb reasons & there are days I will desperately need your attention. I will want your lips on me constantly. I change my mind, I shut down, I fuck up. Even if I have to let you go, just remember I want you, I want to be with you, to live our lives TOGETHER.

I'm exhausted, I'm worn out. It's the kinda tired that I'm facing that sleep can't fix.

I'm just a girl. I love being called pretty, but I'll never believe in it. I'm not always right but hate admitting that I'm wrong. I'm almost always smiling, but it's not always real. I can be read like an open book, but hide so much. I work hard at some things, but don't always get what I deserve. I'm just a girl. People know me but they don't know my story. Onlyyouknowmebest.

Boy: I broke up with her.
His Best Friend: What happened?
Boy: She’s just too much for me.
His Best Friend: What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?
Boy: Well, for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..
Boy: Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy!
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..
Boy: But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..
Boy: I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her so she wouldn’t bitch about it.
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..
Boy: Well, she..
His Best Friend: You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?
Boy: I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?
His Best Friend: You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened.

It feels like I really need you in my life as my significant other, to guide me and tell me what should I do in my life, since you are currently already creating a path for your future. God must have made reasons for two person with different backgrounds but almost the same personality (high level of ego and temper problems) to come along together. I'm really glad God made us together for almost 7 months now, we share our everything together. I've decided you might not be ready to be committed, to live the promise of togetherness between us. You might not as committed as you are when you were with her, I understand. You were willing to wait for her, you were willing to die for her. I understand and I realize that I grew up being an ugly duckling, having a really low self-esteem, I over-think everything, I'm not good in explaining or making sense at times, I fear that someday you'll get bored of me & sometimes I just hate the way I am. I don't mean to be disrespectful at times, to always curse, to act like I don't care when I do to give up. I really wanna be with you but I just think I'm not the one for you. I'm sorry I'm like this. I'm sorry I let shit get into me. But from the day you became my significant other, you brought me back to believing in love again just when I thought noone cares. Yes, we both are facing problem in this relationship and I keep chasing around until the point I'm gonna have to stop running in circles because it's going back to the same point over & over again.
I called you moments ago about 6.45 maybe and the thought of calling you crossed my mind almost a thousand times. I'm so sorry I didn't have the heart to wake you up from your beauty sleep but I was crying too badly. Today is one of those days when I'm not particularly happy, today is one of those days when I wanna kick someone in the throat. I wish I was one of those people who are joy to be around, but I'm not. It's hard to write out my thoughts, or even share for that matter. In my head, it all makes sense but words refuse to form when I type! It's very frustrating but all I wanna say is that I decided not to be your barrier anymore. All the best things in life are being wished for you my darling, and if you are there on top, you might have already forgotten me. But I'm telling you, if at that point of time, you manage to find a girl that can put up with your worst days and go through hell for you in a relationship, don't her go. Your heart is your most beautiful asset, don't forget to use it.
Yes, we didn't get to spend much time together but I just want you to know that every moment I spent with you, I would pray to God I wanna be able to freeze the time. Trust me baby, your life will get better. Maybe not today, or tomorrow or even next week. But it will get better eventually, I pray. You'll get back there on the top. I love you, you know I always do.

I'm lonely. I miss my family. I miss home. I guess everyone of us is lonely, we just want someone to, you know, pay attention to us and tell us how much that someone loves us in every way.

I don't wanna be someone's "other", I wanna be someone's "one and only".

I want to be able to help you and got your back. Support you to get you back on top,where you belong.

I'm not pushing you away and I would never have the thought to. I'm putting a wall between us now because I'm confused, I'm in dilemma. I'm questioning myself, should I just back off from this relationship and let you go, go back to her because I see that's what you really want. A relationship with her again. I'm holding on for dear life, and that's the reason I need you to need me back. I need you to reason me why should we both hold on to this relationship. I need you to tell me to stay strong. I need you to tell me you need this relationship too.

There she goes, sitting alone on the bed, mourning of what happened past 5 months with tears dripping down her pillow as she reads this.

FOR SANDRA : "Once I'm in Australia, and successful, or once I am someone, I will hunt her down no matter which part of the earth she's at, I will... I just hope I'm not too late... I don't want someone else to get her instead of me... :) study hard, work hard, then I shall hunt her down..."

Should I follow my heart or believe my eyes? I'd fallen for him too deep, way too deep.

If you ever find a girl who is willing to go through hell just to keep your relationship going, you really shouldn't take her love for granted.

What you failed to notice was that I'm just as wounded as you are. The only thing is, I hid it better. And your happiness would be my priority. All I can do is just stand strong and stay by your side praying everyday we'll get through this.

Truth is, if I could be with anyone it's still be you.

Aslyn - That's When I Love You (Lyrics)

I'm starting to be afraid to care too much, because I fear that my other half wouldn't care at all. I know some days, or most of the day you're overwhelmed, annoyed or stressed with how much I care for you & and it really does hurt when you seem to throw it in my face like I'm the only one in the relationship who cares but I'd rather deal with that everyday than havin to lose you. I just want you to know, no matter who I’ve been with, it’s always been you. If I wanted to be with someone else I wouldn’t be fighting with you oh so often just so I can have one amazing moment with you. No baby, no matter what I do, nothin will ever take away from what you mean to me.

I'd tell you I miss you badly now but I dont know how.

I wanted you to know that I love you with all my heart, I love it when you're happy, when you laugh. I'm proud to hold you up high with me & I'll steal all your pain away.

He's annoying, he's infuriating, he is the world's biggest asshole EVER. He ruins my day and saves it at the last moment.
And he's perfect.

BABY WE JUST GOTTA DEAL WITH IT

LIBRA BABIES*

Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the centre. Great in bed. Inner and physical beauty. Doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. A meaningful love life partner. Makes right choices. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Does not harm others. It is all about love and fairness. Easily hurt and hard to recover. Daydreamer and does fullfill. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Knows what to do, to have fun. Unpredictable. Someone to have close to you. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all.

SO DAMN TRUE, both of us :*

I always cry over the same damn thing over & over again, YOU.

When I stare at your lips, kiss me.
When you see me start crying, hold me & don't say a word.
When I pull away, pull me back.
When I start cursing at you trying to act all though, kiss me & tell me you love me.
When I ignore you, give me all your attention.
When I say it's over, I still want you to be here, dreadfully.

Can you tell me why are you pushing somebody out of your life who really and truly cares about you?

It took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize that you didn’t have commitment issues, you just didn’t want to commit to me.

I'd just wish that after all these, I'd be all that you ever wanted in the end :(

A really really nice post credits to Sophia =)) You made my day

Boy: I broke up with her.
His Best Friend: What happened?
Boy: She’s just too much for me.
His Best Friend: What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?
Boy: Well, for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..
Boy: Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy!
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..
Boy: But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..
Boy: I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her so she wouldn’t bitch about it.
His Bestfriend: So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..
Boy: Well, she..
His Best Friend: You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?
Boy: I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?
His Best Friend: You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened.

I don't mean to be disrespectful to always curse to act like I don't care when I do, to give up. I tried, I cant do it :(( I'm sorry that I'm like this. I'm sorry I let shit get to me. I'm sorry terribly sorry, I really am. I hate myself for being a bitch. I know it's hard to believe so if you don't, I understand.

I don't tell him but most nights when I can't sleep, I pretend he's here beside me tapping me to bed. It's the only thing that calms me xx.

I cry over the smallest things sometimes, but who cares? :)

It hurts because we're not the same way as before and all that's left was blissfull memories. I really can't wait for the day that we can finally see each other again so things will eventually get back to usual again. I can't wait to see the smile on your face again. I can't wait for the day to come, the day me and you will get back like how we used to :*

I am young, Im not yet married, so I need to tell myself to go with the flow, laugh tons, use manners & try somethin new all the time. Trust myself, spend my cash, take chances, study hard, seek happiness & regret nothing nothing & nothing. Make a wish everyday on 11:11, dance in my underwear, play dress up after that take it all off & lay down naked.
Stop stressing Velove yes stop stressing out :*

Im so totally completely eyepopping seriously groundbreaking jawdropping passionately deliciously unconditionally in love with you, Harvin Singh.

If you dont understand my silence, how will you understand my words?

I’m the girl who tries to be nice to everyone then gets taken advantage of. I’m the girl who tries to look pretty and it’s never good enough. I’m the girl who acts like she’s happy then goes home and wishes to be gone. I’m the girl who takes harsh words act like they’re nothing then goes home and cries. I’m the girl who tries to get her point across and could never find the right words. I’m the girl who has more depth to her then everyone thinks. I’m the girl who hides from the harsh eyes. I’m the girl who wouldn’t care if you gave me a shitty gift as long as you thought of me and the gift is the effort you put to make me happy. I’m the girl that prays that someone will finally understand. I’m the girl that gets happy over the littlest things in the world. I’m the girl that people would misjudge or misinterpret. I'm the girl who doesn't believe in fairytales but madly in love with YOU.

Call me old fashioned but I actually take relationships seriously.

So, you’re the bitch, who saw the bitch, who told the bitch, that I was a bitch. If I’m a bitch, then you’re a bitch for calling me a bitch. Your mom is a bitch for having a bitch, your dad is a bitch for fucking a bitch. Well listen bitch, it takes a bitch to know a bitch. Who’s the bitch now? Bitch.
P/s : this post is for my housemaid, oh sorry my housemate. She's so whoreific and whorefying!

During a relationship, things will happen. There will be a lot of mistakes, and you might break up. If this happens, remember this, remember why you fell in love in the first place. Remember all the times you spent, and all the times you held each other close. Remember that you two were brought together for a reason. You both are fated to be together xx

The girl who puts up with all your bullshit and drama. The girl who risks getting in trouble just for you. The girl who gives up time for her own friends just to be with you. The girl who cries every tear when you’re mad at her. The girl who stays with you after all that has happened. The girl who stayed strong with you. She’s a keeper.

You told her, you swear on God that you will never get to find anyone else. You told her that you can never stop pouring unconditional love & care towards her. You told her that you will never have the heart to see her angry, sad or feel hurt. You never told me that and trust me it hurts.

Don't lie, she'll always catch you

I'm 100percent certain of what I want. I know that I want you, all of yourself. From 3 months ago I met you up until the day I die. I know what I want. But with you, you seem so unsure of it all. You've left it all multiple times and each time I act dumb. I act like there's nothing wrong. I didn't even think about it. I don't have to even think twice because I need you. But it's so god damn scary every time we quarrel because I'm afraid I might have to lose you. No matter what we been through, I know for a fact that I wanna still stay with you, I still need you because im head over heels in love with you. I'm not gonna stop wanting and needing you ever. You scare the shit out of me. I wish you could just reverse the roles once and imagine what it's like to be on the other side. To be sleeping with all the thoughts and worries in my mind. To be smiling just to fake it all.

Long distance relationships can either make you or break you. I can never imagine how it feels like if I need to be separated from my boyfriend for some time, I'm getting to used to having him by my side all the time. I'm guessing when the time comes, I should just take it as a challenge, there's a certain advantage to be miles away from your significant other. Couple who got the advantage of being with each other frequently somewhat fail to count their blessings after some time. But im so head over heels in love with this guy I'm with now im so attached and I'll never get rid of this feeling. I'm appreciating every moment we are side by side each other.
I'm thinking if we would need to be in a long distance relationship, I would have every reason to defy distance, to keep the connection alive and to look forward to seeing each other. I'm in a relationship where I got to know him for more than what meets the eyes. Involving in a long distance relationship with him, I would choose to accept the distance that separates us both and also to accept the consequences that comes with the relationship I chose to be in from the very first day. I spent countless hours, days and even months building up on trust. We are at the level where I openly express my feelings and we love each other regardless.
Physically be in contact isn't necessary needed to provide comfort but there will be moments where verbal communication won't be enough. As each day passes by, as our feelings grow deeper, I'll crave to be finally held in his warm arms and to be kissed by his lips.

Baby I love you so much I promise you everything will be worthwhile as long as effort comes from both sides <3 I LOVE YOU

I'm not the prettiest girl & I don't have the most glamorous, softest or perfect hair. I don't have prefect or amazing skin. I don't have the straightest teeth or a picture perfect smile. I don't have picture perfect smile.I dont have the prettiest eyes. I don't have the perfect body. I'm not like some other girls. I'm not perfect and I'm not confident of myself.

Truth is, I get jealous easily because what's mine is mine. I'm stubborn as hell and sometimes I apologize too much when I feel bad. I act like I don't give two fuck when I'm pissed because I care too much. I over-analyze the smallest of things and probably come off as a bitch simply just to guard myself.

Whenever I see a pretty girl, I feel so intimidated. It's like whenever i think I look decent or okay, I come across a pretty girl in a picture or a pretty friend and I just immediately fall into the assumption that I would never measure up to that kind of beauty. It's like I can never be enough because I'm constantly comparing myself to someone prettier or better.

But you promise you wouldn't leave ='(

When a girl says "don't worry about it", you better fucking worry about it.

I wanna hug your shirt to bed if you're not by my side, eatch scary movies with you, talk to you until sunrise and not sleeping, sneak out at night just so we could see each other, make you watch chick flicks, TRY to play your favorite online game, kiss you in the rain, laugh until I can't breathe, hold hands and just walk walk walk without knowing where are we heading to, I want to fall hopelessly in love with you. *loves*

I realized something today. I don't want to get any older, never. All that happens from there on is my skin sags even make up can't do shit anymore and of course my health degrades. Everything practically degrades from that point on. I've always wanted to grow up faster, I've always wanted to finish school fast, move out from home and live all by myself. I'm at a point now where these things are attainable but in realizing to an extent, I don't want all these. I am an independent lady and I believe I can do everything including solving my own problems myself. But no, I need to be taken care of, I need to be pampered, I need people around me. I'm so scared of the future I can't even process in my brains what am I gonna do.
After breaking up with my first boyfriend, I cannot deny the fact that I no longer believe in fairytales-love story no more. And since I came here, I felt nothing but lonely. I've always felt one person could absolve all my fears and all my worries, but I'm beginning to realize that it's not one person, it's the presence of any person. I just need to feel loved to not worry about any of it. As long as I know I'll have somebody there to experience it with me, it doesn't matter. But I've never be this alone for as long as I've been until the past two months, until this guy came into my life. I met a couple of people along the way but things just weren't right. I still feel lonely and down in these months but I guess that's just how the ladies roll. I'm grateful to be having him by my side and still be able to stick up for me. I'm lucky, I'm grateful and I'm looking forward to see where future would bring us.

I'm a sensitive mother fucker, it's a major thing that I have to work on myself. Sometimes i do get all butt hurt, I do take some things way too personal. I need to stop because I shouldn't be so sensitive. Most of the people around me like to joke around alot like me. I dont really like people to know the real me, maybe it's because of the wall I have built around me to help me protect myself. I feel like breaking down =(

Lying To Me

What questions me is, why do some people feel like there's a need or urge to fucking lie to me. It's really fucking dumb, so don't fucking do it! Don't worry if you think it's going to fuckin hurt me, It hurts knowing you've been lied to by someone especially someone who is fuckin close to you. By lying to me, I fuckin look down on you for doing it. I wouldn't hate or dislike you, not even getting pissed for a long time because I can't go through my life hating people. That is one of my major weaknesses, I can't decipher the situation whether a person is lying to me or not, so I would just trust em again and again, thinking to myself maybe they deserve another chance. So please dont take my so called dumbness for granted. If you did, sorry ill just walk away and never look back again. Yeah I'd be very disappointed in you for doing it. It'll take time for me to actually stop thinking on the reasons for you to be lying to me. It'll take time for me to forgiven depending on what I was lied to. But I wouldn't prefer to be any closer with people who lied to me anymore because I can't stand being close with someone who isn't honest with me about things. I mean, it's alright if sometimes you prefer not to share about certain things buy don't turn things around and LIE TO ME.
Issues of being lied certainly make me have trust issues. By a simple caught lie, it makes me think "what else could they have been lying to me about" so don't start a lie. Lying to me to cover up the trust isn't going to help, you lose the bond between you and I.

Lying is something you should not do to someone. Period.

He's not perfect, you aren't either and noone will ever be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him and don't expect more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist but there's always one guy that is perfect for you.


-Bob Marley-

Just A Thought

I think MOST of the girls just want one guy. That one man who is true to her, and is willing to give her what she needs - unconditional love, that's all. Girls want that one guy who constantly reminds her that she's beautiful and appreciates her being. I think most of the ladies want a tough guy who stands up for her, defend her when the whole world is against her but also an honest guy who stands up FOR her when she sounds a bit unreasonable or out of line. From what I've noticed, via tumblr and also through real life experiences, girls are on the search for that guy who actually listens to them, a guy who actually is able to give feedback and responds with more than a "mmmm" or "yeah yeah yeah". They want a guy who even when He's with his guy friends, still say "baby, hold my hands" or "baby, I want a kiss". I'd say girls want that one guy who is officially theirs and just theirs, but that's an understatement. They want that one guy to focus on, the one to make their entire world.
Girls seem fragile and they would never want to fall to the ground, they just wanna fall in love, in deep real love. And the rest of the girls are just a total disgrace by fooling around and never seem to know how to protect their own dignity. They should really learn how to grow self respect in themselves and not just put their body out like that. They don't fall in love, they would never feel love, all they would care about is materials and the amount of satisfaction that guys can actually give while they're having sex. They would tell the world how proud are they to be changing partners all the time. I mean like, seriously girl? Don't you feel ashamed? Simply, that is pathetic.

Just A Thought

Im terrified, I'm scared I won't add up to your expectations. I'm not perfect, I'm not killer gorgeous. I don't have neither the prettiest smile nor the most banging body ever. I'm not gonna look adorable every second of the day, all day, everyday. I'm not always going to know the right thing to say and the right time to say it. I can be very emotional act like a spoiled brat at times. I'm usually over reacting on the littlest things and cry over nothing. I would never want to break down and shed even a tear in front of you because I'm afraid you might think it's annoying. I'm afraid I wont add up to your ex girlfriend who used to mean the world you, remember?

It takes alot for me not to like someone

Especially someone that used to be attached to my hip,someone I used to call one of my best friends. But you, I definitely do not like you whatsoever. In all honesty, you're a pathetic excuse . I want nothing to do with you anymore. I never want you to call me, text me, be in touch with me, nothing. Not like you try to talk to me anyways because you're so far up your boyfriend's ass. It's kind of funny how you'd always come up with excuse about how you can't come to a dinner, gathering or you have to leave way earlier than anyone else. You're so full of shit. I'm sure you were still drunk or whatever and just never wanna make an appearance at every Sunday's dinner, like always. I hate your boyfriend, I think he's a piece of shot and has gotten you into something bad, period. He's annoying and now you've became annoying. The way you talk is atrocious and disgusting. I wouldn't want to be seen in public with both you and your boyfriend. I can't even stand to be in the same room as you. I never want to see you or put up with you. I never tend to bring my other cousins to usual Sunday gatherings back then because you're such an embarrassment. Drama is what you bring to the table, literally. I think it's funny how you brag about how good your life is and how much your man makes but yet you have the nerve to even asked me to borrow almost a thousand buck? Uhhh ohhh looks like there's something wrong there, I thought he made such good money! The only kind of people that blow through a thousand buck like that are the kind that have some kind of problem which seems apparent that it's a drug problem. Get over it, and I love how you get jealous over out friendship, get the fuck over it. But you are the dumbest person on earth if these assumptions are true. The more I think about past weird things, the more it makes sense. Don't ever try to put things past me again because it will never work.
Toodles whore!

I'm in my late teens. I go home, My perfectly washed and blown hair goes up into messy buns. Make up has faded a little so I would just take it off or due to laziness I'll just leave it that way. The fake smile on my really bad day would vanish into how I really feel. Brand new outfit would be replaced into my favorite comfortable cooling jammies. Skinny jeans or shorts are taken off. When I go home, I bet Boone would recognize me. I am guessing all the teenage girls would do the same.

Valentine's Day

So here is what I have to say about valentine's day. There are plenty of my friends, this bunch of community on facebook I assume, complained and say they hate valentines but really they are just upset that they don't have one because I promise them that if they did, they wouldn't be saying that. Now I have a boyfriend and he's amazing. But still I don't understand what the big deal of valentines day is like "oh yayyy! This is the only day I can be all adorable and give my guy/lady stuff" like NO! Be cute at random times or better yet, all the time. Why does there have to be one specific day for people to be all sweet and stuff. That should happen all the time if you ask me. And the material stuff? Like 10 feet big ass teddy bears like seriously? Why waste almost 150 to almost 200 on it, I would rather get a card with you telling me how you feel. My boyfriend's gift was wonderful, I loved it. I got a pair of bracelet which I appreciate the most until today, until whenever, a hand-made heart written with nail polish which I find very cute! I mean I never once did celebrate the perfect valentines nor receive hand-made stuff like this so yeah. No need for gigantic teddy bears with a million baloons, I don't know, but complaining about not having a valentine is annoying. And if you're single on valentines, shit go out and have some fun being single! You can't find love by desperately looking for it. You got to just wait and it will unexpectedly come to you. Valentines day should be celebrated all 364 days, big time and that another day to tell the people you hate how much you hate them. It's like 364 days of love and one day for hate. I think.

Xoxo,
Velove

Things I think about in class :

• Shut the fuck up, why are you talking so much in Chinese, I don't understand that well so I assumed you are bitching about me.
• when is it lunch when it's only the first period.
• why isn't there anyone attractive in here? And most of the people looked like they don't shower before coming for class.
• who the fuck is this kid, trying to talk to me but total failure.
• wonder who's the virgin in the class
• ahhhh that girl is wearing the same outfit again and again.
• I love that girl's hair I wish I could ask her are those extensions?
• madam, can you please move to the next page you'd been repeating the same thing over and over again.
• oh shit, I seriously need to stop swearing so much -_-

So, I have this friend who bumped into me when I was having my early lunch in campus and the issue about personality and attitude came out during our random conversation. I personally think that attitude and personality are two different things, I mean I can decipher between both very well myself. My personality stays within me wherever I am, in all situation, all places. My attitude? Depends on the people in front of me. It's different, seriously.

You know what's cute?

I definitely find it adorable when someone remembers the littlest details about you. It's even more adorable when the person actually takes the time and effort to surprise you with the things you don't remember telling them about. It's like they've read your mind. The kind of person who focus and listen attentively to what you say just so they can use it to their advantage in order to put a smile on your face. I really appreciate thoughtful people who go out of their ways just so they can make you happy. It's really beautiful. Really beautiful.

How I Wish I Could Tell You Mummy

I wish I could tell you how much you mean the world to me, but there are no words to say how much i admire you, how much I appreciate you, how much I thank you. My mummy somehow lives in my laughter and crystallized in every single tear drop of mine. She's the map that follows me every step I take. Not time, not space, not even death can separate me from my mummy, I carry her inside of me. I don't know how she do it, she is strong like a diamond in the rough. She can multi-task like crazy. Mummy, remember how you get to memorize every timetable of my subjects for every semester since I'm here and never fail to call me up every morning when my attendance downgraded tho it's my responsibility to do so. Remember the time when you transferred money to me right after I gave you a call to tell you that I'm going for shopping with friends when you got to work, socialize with the clients even if you don't feel pleased to, you go home right after work and never fail to keep the house sparkling clean everyday. You sit in the living room after your long day and start checking the bills and letters until midnight. I don't know how but you have that much of energy? Mummy, you're like a god.
Each and every time I hit the club, you would tell me to take care and not to drink too much. Sometimes I wouldn't listen. You told me not to walk alone when the sky turns dark, you're dreadfully worried about me every single minute and I never listen. You told me to eat my meals on time so I wouldn't get gastric and suffer myself but I just wouldn't listen. You told me not to bring handbags out when I tend to walk in the streets so I wouldn't get snatched, I'd never listen. You told me not to text when I'm crossing a road but I wouldn't listen to you. What if, what if one day I drink too much and drive home unconsciously, suddenly got into an accident? What if one day I walk alone at night and got raped or kidnapped and totally lose control of my brains? What if one day my gastric problem leads to colone cancer that I might have to do an operation which costs you a big lumsum? What if one day I got snatched and hit my head on the rocks that leads me to comma for the rest of my life? What if one day I didn't pay attention while crossing the road, knocked off by a car and get paralyzed? What if just what if. I regretted for not listening to your words, I was immature. And now I'm learning to appreciate all you've done. I'm so proud to claim that, I love you mummy <3 Thank you for always being there, for being my rock when I am a pain in the ass. Thank you for returning that love time and time again. Thank you for striving hard to help me grow. I love you mummy, I love you.

Amazingly Not

I wish to be THE girl whom when you talk to, there's literally nowhere else you would rather be because just by talking to me could be one of the life's greatest joys. I may not be the smartest girl in the world, but I wanna be smart enough to know how to get inside your head and take over your heart. I might not be the prettiest either but hopefully I have a face that matches my heart and a smile that will send you to heaven. I wish every little flaw I have doesn't matter but all of them can actually add up to my perfection. I wish you could feel it too when my heart aches, when it rips into two. I wish I wouldn't have to tell you a word and you can read it all in silence. I wish you would want to be here by my side and protect me from any harm, tell the world how proud you are to own me. Most guys literally told me I'm the kind that every guy spends his own life searching for. And I'm telling you, the best part of it, I'm yours :)

I hate it when people with amazing bodies talk about how fat they are and how they wish they were skinnier. It makes me feel so worthless because I know I'm fatter than every single one of them.

Title-less

Relationships do not get easier. Everyday is a struggle, everyday is a battle. It doesn't get easier with time. In fact, It gets harder. The secret is finding someone who's willing to be weak and strong with you at the same time. The secret is finding someone who's willing to work with you and who will push you, challenge you, make it harder for you to leave. The beauty of the relationship is in the struggle. I know I'm not perfect and you're not either, but I'm willing to work on us because I love you and love is never perfect somehow. I'm trying my best not to be so attached to you because I'm afraid if one day you're gone, a part of me is too.
I believe memory is a way of holding on to the things that you love, the things you are and the things you never want to lose. That is the reason I don't want to be reminded on anything about your past or anything that relates to you and her. It's about the memories. I hate to stay strong, I hate it when I'm trying not to cry, and I can feel my eyes start to water and I look up to try to prevent the tears from falling but they do anyways. Then when I start crying I just lose it and all the emotions that I was holding in, comes out. It feels really bad, terrible. I'm an complete ass.
Somehow somewhere between laughing for no reason, making fun of each other, and calling each other names, I fell for you again and again. I'm sorry for being such a pain in the ass at times. Xoxo.

WRITTEN WITH PASSION

I wanna be someone who makes heart-shaped sandwiches for you, someone who laugh at your worst joke, someone who makes your reality better than your dreams, someone with deep black eyes to get lost in, someone who sends you picture to show off my new outfit, someone who makes it seem like a movie, someone who's laughter is contagious, someone who doesn't make you explain yourself, someone who looks good in anythin. I wanna be the someone who will be the 'you' in every love song, someone who genuinely understands every single act of yours, someone to share a secret handshake with, someone who makes awkward moments fun, someone who will wipe the sweat from your nose, someone who will get you try new things in life, someone who will find a thousand ways to keep us going, someone who will just bring one umbrella out when it's raining just so you can be under the umbrella with me, someone who will let me put my cold feet on you in bed to warm me up, someone who will make you laugh so hard that you would need to pee right after.

And you are someone who's eyes gesticulate and widen when you're talking about something that you're really passionate about.
Someone with the patience to deal with my immaturity, someone who spends time being shameless with me, someone who's the total opposite of me but fits me perfectly in anyway, someone whose appreciation is far better than anyone else, someone who will finish the french fries off my plate when im too full, someone who will get me try new things in life, someone who pinch me on my nose and kiss it afterward, someone who will correct my bad grammar. You are someone who actually believes in "what yours is mine", I want you to be someone who doesn't find my swearing unattractive, someone who feeds me surprises like inhaling oxygen, someone who will like my post I wrote on facebook, someone who find my fashion knowledge endearing, someone who says what I need to hear most, someone who is always willing to meet me halfway, someone who will accidentally run into me just so you can give me a hug. I want you to be my certain someone whom wouldn't look over me just to watch football on television, someone who will turn back for one last look before you leave, someone who will eat instant noodles with me when I run out of money for a proper meal, someone who wouldn't mind my indecisiveness even on the littlest things. Someone who gives me reasons to believe in happy endings.


I want you to be that certain someone in my life, youkbowehoyouare.


I wanna be that someone

YOUR HEART OF DESIRE

This Struggle.

I love food. I hate food. It's love and hate at the same time. Obssessing and repulsing. Two complete opposite emotions focused on the same topic. Eating : I want to eat, I am hungry. I love food. It's good and tasty. I don't want to eat. I want to be skinny again. I hate food and how it makes me feel. My mind can't handle the back and forth. I usually give in to one side. Most usually it's the eating side. I say 'whatever' and just eat honestly WHATEVER. Then, it turns into a binge. Then I can't stop. Then I feel horrible, depressed, fail. Or i do the opposite. Just don't start eating, and I won't lose control. Don't put anything in my mouth and everything will be okay. I'll be okay. But I'm not okay. I need to eat. Everyone needs to eat to live. So the problem isn't the food. The problem is the MIND STRUGGLE that I go through every time I am faced food.

Me. Today.

Watch my face as I pretend to feel no pain

I've completely gone and now I'm back, all over again. New semester started 3weeks ago. I let myself think that life is gettin better. It wasn't, now I'm slippin worse than ever, there's like a knot in my stomach caused my gastric I'm on the verge on tears whenever I think about anythin related to you and your past. I can't help it but to think, think and think. I'm panicked and I'm anxious and I'm worried and I'm nervous. Here I am in the computer lab surrounded by people but I feel left out. I feel I'm alone at the corner. I feel sick of being lonely but I feel like goin home and never wanna see anybody ever and ever again. I want to go outside and scream until my lungs give up and I can't scream anymore. I don't want to speak, I don't want to listen, I don't want to interact, I want everythin to just stop. Anythin about you and your past. I feel so angry and sad at the same time I don't know why. It's like I really want to erase everythin about your past and be confident that our relationship is much more lively than anythin but no, it hurts me alot. It affects me alot. I want to ruin everythin and set fire to what's left but I can't make this go away.

all you can hear is the sound of your own heart,
and all you can feel is your lungs flood,
how long do I need more to forget your past?

L.O.V.E

I am grateful to have been loved and to be loved now, and to be able to love because that liberates. Love liberates, it doesn't just hold. That's ego. It doesn't bind. Love says " I love you if you're in China, I love you if you're across the town, I love you even if you don't love me, I love you. I would like to be near you. I'd like to have your arms around me. I'd like to hear your voice in my ears. Even if it's not possible now, I still love you. Distance shouldn't be an excuse. So I still love you.

The Urge to Blog Again

There are so many more important things in this world and I feel like an awful, selfish bitch to be only caring about my own self issues. I need to sort my life out and stop being a brat.