Truth is, I get jealous easily because what's mine is mine. I'm stubborn as hell and sometimes I apologize too much when I feel bad. I act like I don't give two fuck when I'm pissed because I care too much. I over-analyze the smallest of things and probably come off as a bitch simply just to guard myself.

Whenever I see a pretty girl, I feel so intimidated. It's like whenever i think I look decent or okay, I come across a pretty girl in a picture or a pretty friend and I just immediately fall into the assumption that I would never measure up to that kind of beauty. It's like I can never be enough because I'm constantly comparing myself to someone prettier or better.

But you promise you wouldn't leave ='(

When a girl says "don't worry about it", you better fucking worry about it.

I wanna hug your shirt to bed if you're not by my side, eatch scary movies with you, talk to you until sunrise and not sleeping, sneak out at night just so we could see each other, make you watch chick flicks, TRY to play your favorite online game, kiss you in the rain, laugh until I can't breathe, hold hands and just walk walk walk without knowing where are we heading to, I want to fall hopelessly in love with you. *loves*

I realized something today. I don't want to get any older, never. All that happens from there on is my skin sags even make up can't do shit anymore and of course my health degrades. Everything practically degrades from that point on. I've always wanted to grow up faster, I've always wanted to finish school fast, move out from home and live all by myself. I'm at a point now where these things are attainable but in realizing to an extent, I don't want all these. I am an independent lady and I believe I can do everything including solving my own problems myself. But no, I need to be taken care of, I need to be pampered, I need people around me. I'm so scared of the future I can't even process in my brains what am I gonna do.
After breaking up with my first boyfriend, I cannot deny the fact that I no longer believe in fairytales-love story no more. And since I came here, I felt nothing but lonely. I've always felt one person could absolve all my fears and all my worries, but I'm beginning to realize that it's not one person, it's the presence of any person. I just need to feel loved to not worry about any of it. As long as I know I'll have somebody there to experience it with me, it doesn't matter. But I've never be this alone for as long as I've been until the past two months, until this guy came into my life. I met a couple of people along the way but things just weren't right. I still feel lonely and down in these months but I guess that's just how the ladies roll. I'm grateful to be having him by my side and still be able to stick up for me. I'm lucky, I'm grateful and I'm looking forward to see where future would bring us.

I'm a sensitive mother fucker, it's a major thing that I have to work on myself. Sometimes i do get all butt hurt, I do take some things way too personal. I need to stop because I shouldn't be so sensitive. Most of the people around me like to joke around alot like me. I dont really like people to know the real me, maybe it's because of the wall I have built around me to help me protect myself. I feel like breaking down =(

Lying To Me

What questions me is, why do some people feel like there's a need or urge to fucking lie to me. It's really fucking dumb, so don't fucking do it! Don't worry if you think it's going to fuckin hurt me, It hurts knowing you've been lied to by someone especially someone who is fuckin close to you. By lying to me, I fuckin look down on you for doing it. I wouldn't hate or dislike you, not even getting pissed for a long time because I can't go through my life hating people. That is one of my major weaknesses, I can't decipher the situation whether a person is lying to me or not, so I would just trust em again and again, thinking to myself maybe they deserve another chance. So please dont take my so called dumbness for granted. If you did, sorry ill just walk away and never look back again. Yeah I'd be very disappointed in you for doing it. It'll take time for me to actually stop thinking on the reasons for you to be lying to me. It'll take time for me to forgiven depending on what I was lied to. But I wouldn't prefer to be any closer with people who lied to me anymore because I can't stand being close with someone who isn't honest with me about things. I mean, it's alright if sometimes you prefer not to share about certain things buy don't turn things around and LIE TO ME.
Issues of being lied certainly make me have trust issues. By a simple caught lie, it makes me think "what else could they have been lying to me about" so don't start a lie. Lying to me to cover up the trust isn't going to help, you lose the bond between you and I.

Lying is something you should not do to someone. Period.

He's not perfect, you aren't either and noone will ever be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him and don't expect more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist but there's always one guy that is perfect for you.


-Bob Marley-

Just A Thought

I think MOST of the girls just want one guy. That one man who is true to her, and is willing to give her what she needs - unconditional love, that's all. Girls want that one guy who constantly reminds her that she's beautiful and appreciates her being. I think most of the ladies want a tough guy who stands up for her, defend her when the whole world is against her but also an honest guy who stands up FOR her when she sounds a bit unreasonable or out of line. From what I've noticed, via tumblr and also through real life experiences, girls are on the search for that guy who actually listens to them, a guy who actually is able to give feedback and responds with more than a "mmmm" or "yeah yeah yeah". They want a guy who even when He's with his guy friends, still say "baby, hold my hands" or "baby, I want a kiss". I'd say girls want that one guy who is officially theirs and just theirs, but that's an understatement. They want that one guy to focus on, the one to make their entire world.
Girls seem fragile and they would never want to fall to the ground, they just wanna fall in love, in deep real love. And the rest of the girls are just a total disgrace by fooling around and never seem to know how to protect their own dignity. They should really learn how to grow self respect in themselves and not just put their body out like that. They don't fall in love, they would never feel love, all they would care about is materials and the amount of satisfaction that guys can actually give while they're having sex. They would tell the world how proud are they to be changing partners all the time. I mean like, seriously girl? Don't you feel ashamed? Simply, that is pathetic.

Just A Thought