I feel empty, confused, hurt, numb, disoriented, mad, blurry & tired. It's so awful to be strong. I just wanna know if you miss me.

Stucked up with tears again & I realize,although things have turned around in our relationship for the past couple of weeks, I don't ever want us to forget all the things we went through before the change. The constant craving for each other's touch, the tears shed because we felt like we couldn't take it anymore, the pain it brought us when we had to part ways. I realize now, I'm the one who is supposed to be carrying the guilt on my shoulders because the distance was never your fault, it was always mine. You didn't deserve to be in a stressful relationship. It wasn't fair to you. I could tell that you are unhappy to be holding onto this relationship and every words you say proving how much you are pushing me away from yourself always just break my heart a little. I'm willing to let you go because your unhappiness is from the complications I brought to this relationship, I wasn't prepared to let you go. So if I had to let you go in order for you to be happy, then I'll be willing to do that. But one thing, I don't want us to forget the everyday struggle that we went through for this relationship.

I'm willing to let you go but I'm still counting on the days since we were together. Because I'll always be here, you can put your trust in me. When you need someone, just drop me a message & I'll be here. When you're feeling low, just let me know because I'll always be here. God isn't unfair. God made things happen for a reason, yes.

Currently listening to Aerosmith - I don't wanna miss a thing.
Fuck you Aerosmith for making me cry.

Big insane dreams keep me sane. Sleepless nights? I'm going nuts.

I wished you miss me as much as I miss you.

My mind is saying "You fool, forget him".
My heart is saying "Don't let go"

I'm so sorry for all the stress, headache and troubles I put you through.

I'm a sucker for love, big time. I let him own my body, my whole self. I let him became the reason why even the saddest part of my life I still manage to spare 2minutes to smile. Even at confusion, I sometimes take the effort to understand. Even in betrayal, I trust again. Even in fear of pain, I still love.

Happy 7th Monthsary, biggest pain in the ass.

I tried to be perfect but nothing was worth it.

I thought this was what you wanted, someone who sees your flaws as perfection. I thought this was what you wanted, someone to put your first in their life.

It's funny how people think and can't make up their mind sometimes.

Here I am, at the corner of my room with hands awkwardly typing on the keyboard as the paint on my nails are still fresh. I'm thinking, I'm thinking hard.

I'd been hanging with my girls lately and alot of em asked me how to handle insecurities when it comes to relatioships.

Honestly, I'm not the most secure person ever when it comes to myself. Especially when I look at my ex-boyfriend/boyfriend & I'm always thinking to myself, how do I get so blessed with such perfection? When you think of a person you love, you can never help but to feel a bit, small. Small in the sense well, what is there's somebody better out there for him, and all the other "what if's".

Well then I think, I can still remember clearly he was right beside me. Right beside me, the love and the care he provided me, that moment? It was definitely meant to be & I would never want him to spend this moment with anyone else but me.

The thing is, never ever doubt what God had written for you in the stars. Appreciate what has been gifted for you. Time is better spent laying down on his chest than screaming towards each other. We, girls as half of the relationship have to trust. Trust your another half. Trust your significant other won't do anythin for break your trust. Because what I've learned, is that God or Karma will never let you down. If something were to happen that was going against your trust in your significant other, you will find out. There is no doubt about it. Life isn’t unfair. If he were to become a dick and cheat on you, you'll eventually find out & break free. If he's faithful, you'll be the happiest girl in the entire universe.

Cheers to healthier relationships around me.

It may come around to people that I don't talk about him as much anymore and that maybe we've just grown on each other for the past 7months that I'm so used to his presence up to the point that I don't need to prove myself anymore. I might be too comfortable to have him around and when he's away I tend to choose not to speak of him like I used to, so I'm able to push the thought of him in my mind away.

I had people talk about me in very hurtful ways, I had problems when it comes to being in public, I had problems in deciding which college, I've had friends become jerks, I've had troubles with my studies because I suck at handling pressure, I had been given a label. Despite all the bad bad things, he was there for me, for the past 6months. And he's no longer gonna be there for me now, but that 6months were like the shortest 6months in my life. It passed so fast, but I had the most amazing days within those months and I pray everyday things would fall back in place again.

Who am i to say lyrics Ya boy ft Hope

You can't keep fucking with someone's feelings just because you're unsure of your own. I can be so fucking stupid sometimes. I need to stop trickin myself into thinkin people care, thinkin that because I'm there for someone then they would be there for me. I don't wanna live with walls up around me but I think I live it best that way.

Now that you don't need me anymore, you throw me away.

Every finish line is a beginning of a new race, but I can't seem to see the finish line. I'm tired of keep running, running & running. God please take me away from this life.

I wish things could be simpler, like a retro pop song. I want you to want me. BOOM end of story, we all live happily ever after.