To finally get the good

Everyone definitely has numerous negative experiences when it comes to this thing called love. For it takes going through all of the bad to finally get to the good, going through all of the downs to finally get to the ups. Mistakes we all wish we'd never done, mistakes we regretted sometimes we just want to turn back time and make it up. I try my hardest to not let my previous relationships get me down or effect me that easily. I try my hardest to remind myself of this fact that no, I would never believe in how relationships would ever work anymore. When I first hooked up with a guy in a relationship, I felt like it was meant to be forever. And there comes the second, third guy. Still, everything broke down and didn't work out. Then it happened again, and again, and again. All with different guys, from different place. So there was I reminding myself, "you dumb little girl, forever doesn't exist". But right now there's a new guy in the picture. It has been only a few months since we started talking to each other. We don't see each other everyday but yet, we feel so attached by talking to each other everyday. Different kind of conversations each time, either by getting into really intense conversations about us or just pure random silly conversations. But yeah, at first I was trying my hardest not to get too attached nor too excited. What if I just jinx it all, & he's just like the rest? I thought to myself that way. Only interested in me for lustful purposes and stops all communication between us once he knows that I'm not willing to give him my all, too fast, too soon. It has been three months now since we really got to know each other. Is it crazy that I can only think of his eyes, his smile, the way he holds my hand and kisses it, his head on my shoulder, his hand on my back? How I can literally remember clearly the feeling when he kissed me on my forehead and every moment we spent together. How I'm really surprised that he never gets tired of reminding me that I should not ever be this insecure, never gets bored of telling me how worthy am I, never gets mad eventho I would ask again and again how special am I to him. How soon is too soon to say that you know that you've found your perfect match? Perhaps I'm obsessive. Or maybe i'm just pathetically romantic. Either way, I just need to know that it is possible to let my guard down, and have an actual, full-fledged, hot-blooded romance with a great guy. I realized that I care and feel a lot for you, more than I originally had planned. I fell for you unintentionally and you helped me fix my broken pieces together. More than anything though you showed me that things can actually happen when I least expect them and need them most. I appreciate how you can be so patient when it comes to me, how you never rush us to be officially a couple although deep down you want it to happen so badly. I want to tell you how much I love you. In a way it doesn't seem too big to handle, in a way it doesn't seem too small to be cast aside, in a way it doesn't seem like a total joke, in a way it doesn't seem like it's just another bundle of words together. But I don't know how to. How to tell you I love you in the way I would want it to come out. I want to see the anticipation from your face before I can even say these words out. I want to see the smile slowly emerging out from that little face of yours. I want to feel the butterflies in your stomach. I want you to know that I feel the same way either.

A girl who has been hurt & put down so much will never believe in compliments & even forgets how it feels like to be flattered. It takes time, yeah it does =]