Watch my face as I pretend to feel no pain

I've completely gone and now I'm back, all over again. New semester started 3weeks ago. I let myself think that life is gettin better. It wasn't, now I'm slippin worse than ever, there's like a knot in my stomach caused my gastric I'm on the verge on tears whenever I think about anythin related to you and your past. I can't help it but to think, think and think. I'm panicked and I'm anxious and I'm worried and I'm nervous. Here I am in the computer lab surrounded by people but I feel left out. I feel I'm alone at the corner. I feel sick of being lonely but I feel like goin home and never wanna see anybody ever and ever again. I want to go outside and scream until my lungs give up and I can't scream anymore. I don't want to speak, I don't want to listen, I don't want to interact, I want everythin to just stop. Anythin about you and your past. I feel so angry and sad at the same time I don't know why. It's like I really want to erase everythin about your past and be confident that our relationship is much more lively than anythin but no, it hurts me alot. It affects me alot. I want to ruin everythin and set fire to what's left but I can't make this go away.

all you can hear is the sound of your own heart,
and all you can feel is your lungs flood,
how long do I need more to forget your past?