YOUR HEART OF DESIRE

This Struggle.

I love food. I hate food. It's love and hate at the same time. Obssessing and repulsing. Two complete opposite emotions focused on the same topic. Eating : I want to eat, I am hungry. I love food. It's good and tasty. I don't want to eat. I want to be skinny again. I hate food and how it makes me feel. My mind can't handle the back and forth. I usually give in to one side. Most usually it's the eating side. I say 'whatever' and just eat honestly WHATEVER. Then, it turns into a binge. Then I can't stop. Then I feel horrible, depressed, fail. Or i do the opposite. Just don't start eating, and I won't lose control. Don't put anything in my mouth and everything will be okay. I'll be okay. But I'm not okay. I need to eat. Everyone needs to eat to live. So the problem isn't the food. The problem is the MIND STRUGGLE that I go through every time I am faced food.

Me. Today.